Music is probably one of the easiest ways to understand me. I listen to music depending on my mood, what I’m thinking about, or whatever phase of life I’m currently in. Some days it’s loud and energetic, other days it’s calm and makes me want to sit outside and think about life for three hours. I like music that feels honest. Songs that tell stories, create a certain atmosphere, or make you feel something. Whether it’s alternative, indie, R&B, dreamier sounds, or something completely random, if it scratches my brain the right way, I’ll listen to it. This page is mostly a collection of songs, artists, albums, and random music thoughts that have followed me through different stages of life.
The Cemeteries — I Will Run From You
I don’t perceive this song with the thought of another person but my patterns have some similarities. I’ve realized I have a habit of wanting closeness until it actually becomes real. Then I start questioning everything. I start looking for signs, patterns, red flags, exit routes, reasons to stay, reasons to leave. My brain starts moving faster than my heart. “Your jaw unlocked then I cried, I will run from you.” I’m quite fond of that quote, Maybe because I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to protect myself. Sometimes so much that I end up running before I even know where I’m going. The funny thing is, I don’t think I’m running from people. I think I’m running from how much power they have to affect me. :p
The Weeknd — Thursday
If there was one Weeknd song that feels a little too familiar, it’s probably this one. I’ve always joked that I felt more like the girl from Thursday than the main character. Wanting somebody, knowing the situation is messy, trying to act unbothered while secretly being bothered anyway. The whole song feels like two people circling each other while pretending they’re free to do whatever they want. That’s why I like it. It’s honest. The Weeknd’s music is basically built on yearning, bad decisions, attachment, distance, and people missing each other while still doing exactly what they want. Whether that’s healthy is another conversation. Thursday is still my favorite.
A$AP Rocky — Multiply
This song makes me feel like I own the road even though I’m literally just driving to class. I don’t know how to explain it besides it bringing out the masculine side of me. Windows down, music too loud, feeling like I’m about to make questionable decisions and somehow get away with them. It’s one of those songs that makes me walk faster, talk louder, and feel cooler than I actually am. Multiply isn’t emotional for me. It’s confidence. It’s ego. It’s that feeling where you’re not asking for permission to take up space.
The Weeknd — For Your Eyes Only
This song reminds me of a younger version of myself. When I was with a certain someone , I used to be on that “for your eyes only” type of timing. Sending pictures, sharing things, acting like somebody was the only person in the world allowed to see certain sides of me. Looking back, it feels a little dramatic, a little childish, but also kind of sweet. That’s what happens when you’re young and you like somebody. You start treating ordinary moments like they’re scenes from a movie. This song feels like a time capsule more than anything.
Kitty Sucker — Feeling Moody
This song sounds like obsession disguised as love. Not the cute kind either. The kind where somebody stays on your mind way more than they should. The kind where you know a situation isn’t perfect, but you keep coming back to it anyway. To me, it sounds like wanting someone so badly that you start ignoring things you normally wouldn’t ignore. Almost like being willing to get hurt just to stay close to them. It reminds me of people pleasing, attachment, and those situations where you’re giving someone more access to you than they’ve actually earned. The song feels dreamy, romantic, and a little self-destructive. Which is probably why I like it.
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